Financial Freedom Isn’t About the Money.

By Jaya Pandey

A recent evening with some women I gathered with began the way many women’s conversations do: casually, almost lightly. We spoke about money, work, and family, and then somehow ended up talking about our love for sarees. We all want better-paying jobs so we can buy many of them. The question arose: how much money can we spend on sarees without getting into trouble with our husbands? One woman jokingly commented that she wanted a saree worth $350 and immediately added that her husband would not like it. That led to a deeper discussion about control, choices, and how much say we really have over the money we make. We often talk about women, equality, and how far we have come from our grandmothers’ time.

But are we really that independent when it comes to money?

After years of meeting and talking with many women, I’ve realized that every generation and group varies in money matters. Age has a lot to do with it; Women who work before marriage often handle finances differently as a couple than women who start working after marriage and children.

Working women may maintain their own finances, and couples have different arrangements. Sometimes, it’s a joint account, one for household expenses, another kept separate. Many share household expenses without a joint account. In these cases, women often have the freedom to spend as they see fit. Jewelry or a saree can be bought without hiding it or explaining it to a husband.

Then there is another group of women, like me, who came on dependent visas and can’t work. We took care of the household, raised kids, and later started working, many from scratch. Once these women began earning, their income became family money. Since men had handled finances for years, that pattern often continued.

When I got married, I had a tiny bit of money saved. More than my husband had. Once we were married, it became our money and was used to set up our home. We moved continents, took care of our kids, and I handled the household while he built his career.

I also worked part-time. The spender of the house, from groceries to clothes, my husband never asked where I was spending money. He worked, managed some investments, and didn’t pay attention to sales or discounts. That always fell on me. Whether electronics or furniture, it was my job to research. He would come to swipe the card. Given a choice, he would let me do that, too, but I wanted him to be part of the decision-making, so I dragged him along to shop.

I shopped for whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and he never asked why. When I started working full-time, I opened a new account just to see that money grow, but I added him as a joint account holder. We used it for bigger purchases or investments. We never talked much about money, but it was always “ours,” never yours or mine.

I notice the next generation of women came to study or work and later, marry. Career is their priority, and they look at money differently. For many, a job and income are the keys to independence. They spend as they wish, though some still leave investing decisions to their husbands.

Women have always been labeled as shoppers, and people ask, “Oh, your husband allows that?” But in reverse, does anyone ask a husband if his wife allows him to buy an expensive TV or invest in a particular stock? Beyond that, have we ever really stopped to ask whether women truly control the household finances?

We talk a lot about financial freedom, but I’ve learned that it’s not defined by numbers, but by how freely a woman can choose to spend.

I met a woman on a flight who was a little younger than my mom. She told me she got her Master’s degree in the early ’70s, but wasn’t allowed to work after marriage. She said she wouldn’t make the same choice again, though at the time, keeping peace at home felt more important. She made sure her three daughters worked before marriage, and even in her 70s, while mourning her own lost dreams, she was proud that her daughters were not living with the same life choices.

Women’s financial freedom often comes with a cost. During a shared ride in Bangalore, I met four women who spend nearly 12 hours a day commuting and working. With household help managing food, kids, and chores, they use travel time to rest, plan, and keep going. Though they miss time with their children, they refuse to give up their jobs. They were contributing to household expenses, saving for retirement, and in some cases, still letting their husbands handle the money.

In India, my sister’s driver has a clear view of women’s financial freedom. He provides for the household and doesn’t ask his wife for her earnings. It is her money to use as she wishes, he says. I was struck by how progressive his thinking is and wondered how many women I know, despite earning well, truly have that kind of freedom.

I’ve chatted with many women, both Indian and non-Indian, in the U.S. and in India, finding similarities on both sides of the world. Making money or working doesn’t automatically provide ultimate freedom. Making money is important, but true financial freedom is being able to decide without fear, guilt, or permission. Financial independence, perhaps, is not just about earning, but about who gets to decide how that money is spent. Money gives women options, but freedom comes from choice. And that choice, for many women, is still a work in progress.