Kim Miles: I’ll Leave You With This…
Photo: Alana Sousa
I’m having a love affair
With my adjustable bed.
Yes, you read that correctly. I’m in love with my bed.
Several years ago, we were in desperate need of a new bed. My husband was constantly complaining that his back hurt and you could visibly see the demise of our bed’s structure and integrity. Like many things in life, it was simply time for a replacement. The bed, not my husband.
For those of you in the Northeast, there is only one place to go shopping for furniture. If you’re serious about purchasing and you want to cut out all the back and forth between stores, just give in and go to Jordan’s Furniture (I’m not being paid by Jordan’s to write this but would happily accept any sort of free ice cream, hamburgers, jellybeans, or credit toward my next purchase).
I was ready to go into the store and basically buy the firmest mattress I could find. I’m partial to firm mattresses and didn’t want to buy a replacement any time soon. It was my husband who said, “Why don’t we look at one of the adjustable beds?”
My answer? “Because I’m not 80 years old, that’s why.”
He quickly explained that he thought I might enjoy an adjustable bed because he knows I love reading, watching television, and working with my laptop in bed. He isn’t wrong. I have been known to hunker down and spend some significant time in my bedroom. After all, Oprah says, “Your bedroom should be your sanctuary.” And, while I’m not sure my bedroom has exactly reached “sanctuary” status, it certainly does hold a lot of appeal for me.
My bed looks out a small window to the woods in my backyard and I love watching the rain and the snow. I absolutely relish the opportunity to sleep with the windows open in the spring and early fall. Leaves rustling in the wind are one of Mother Nature’s best lullabies (ocean waves take top honors).
So, we pivoted to adjustable beds. And lord have mercy, I’ll never go back. As I sit here and type this column, yup, you guessed it! I’m in my bed with my back and feet at precisely the right angles and my laptop is resting in an ergonomically correct position. It’s simply heaven. I do some of my best work in bed! With my laptop (get your mind out of the gutter).
But it wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns. The first few weeks, I was just getting used to playing with the remote control. You can adjust the bed to your favorite setting and “save” it in the memory. I was trying out all sorts of combos with my back and my legs and I finally found the best position for comfort. When you want to have the bed go back to a neutral position, you simply press the middle button, and the bed returns to a neutral, flat setting.
One morning, I woke up, pressed the middle button, and went about my morning routine. A few hours later, I came back to my bedroom to get ready for the day when I noticed that the bed was in a really jacked up position at a 90-degree angle. I hadn’t remembered my husband going back into the bedroom and I certainly didn’t think he had gone back to bed. So, I simply pressed the middle button and went about my business.
This happened a few more times over the next couple of weeks so I finally said to my husband, “Why the heck do you keep getting into bed and putting it up at a 90-degree angle? That can’t be comfortable.” To which he looked at me, totally confused and said, “What are you talking about?” Thinking he was messing with me, I dropped it.
And then one night, I got into bed and read my book, which always makes me sleepy. I returned the bed to its neutral position so that I could fall asleep and was just about to drift off when the bed started to move on its own and folded me into a tuckered-out taco. I started screaming and reaching for the remote. I no sooner got the bed to release its hold on me when, not two minutes later, it started to contort me once again.
It wasn’t my husband adjusting the mattress; I had been living with an actual bogeyman in my bed.
Never fear, this torrid tale has a happy ending. The company replaced the bed’s motor and I’ve not been mauled by my mattress since. In fact, I have only come to love my bed more. When my husband is sick and we sleep in separate bedrooms out of precaution, I find myself resentful that I’m the one who has to relocate to the guest room. I miss my bed. I long for my bed. I count the days until I can return to my bed. When I’m traveling, I rejoice when I’m reunited with my bed. What can I say? I’m smitten.
I’ll leave you with this…
I’ve now come clean with the one thing that I might love more than my husband. Well, that and margaritas, M&Ms, and chicken parmesan (he’s well aware of the situation. I explained all of this in our vows). I never knew an inanimate object could make me so happy, but here we are. I suppose I’m now the only non-octogenarian spokesperson for adjustable beds. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it, folks.
If you’re looking for me, I’m either at Jordan’s enjoying my complimentary snacks or snug as a bug reading, sleeping, scrolling, or ruling the world from my favorite spot in the house.
Kim is on Instagram @kimmilesinheels Visit MilesInHeels.com.
