Hair-Raising Hair Care (Tales From the Chair)
By Kim Miles
TRUE OR FALSE: All women love getting haircuts and feel fantastic when they leave the salon.
FALSE. Curly-haired women hate their haircut for the first week and a half post-cut, and if you’re cuckoo like me, you go home immediately after your haircut and take a shower.
Where are my curly-haired gals at? If you know, you know.
We’re a special breed. We require a bit more tender loving care when we sit in that chair. Our haircut is not met with the same kind of relaxation that our straight-haired sisters enjoy. Our haircuts are riddled with a layer of angst that can only be described as “the ultimate crapshoot.”
We take a seat in the salon with the following thoughts swirling around our skulls:
-It’s humid out today; will I leave looking like an alpaca?
-I told her to cut an eighth of an inch last time. I swear she took off eight inches.
-Did she leave the left side longer than the right? Or is that just the one curl that’s curlier on that side?
-Why is it that my hair looks absolutely perfect every time I come to get a haircut? I should just reschedule.
Women with curls have all sorts of battles to contend with and far too many choices to make when it comes to our coiffures.
To scrunch or not to scrunch? That is the question.
b.) Do you scrunch with your hands, towel, or t-shirt? (This last one is a definite IYKYK.)
Which product makes the curls look their best? Gel, mousse, cream gel, spray, oil. At this point in the list, smoke starts to come out of my ears.
If you cut it too short, it curls too much, and you look like a Chia Pet. If you don’t cut it enough, the curls won’t curl.
Recently, someone asked me, “How do you do your hair?” My answer: I get out of the shower, shake like a dog, and hope for the best. My hair NEVER (and I mean never) looks the same two days in a row. My hair is weather/hormones/how quickly I had to leave the house- how much product I use-dependent.
But it all starts in that damned chair. I envy my fellow females who come to the salon for a fresh cut and blow dry and leave to go out on the town looking like a million bucks. I never make plans after a haircut; I go straight home, get in the shower, and stare at myself for hours analyzing how much I hate my hair. I swear to my husband that my hairdresser cut off 8 inches, and I’m certain I’m bald. I try to literally stretch each curl cluster, hoping they’ll lengthen on demand.
And then, like clockwork, exactly one and a half weeks later, I’m in love. I love my curls, I love my cut, I love my hairdresser, and all is right with the world. I wake up, embrace my mane, and think about how lucky I am to be a part of the curly-haired club. I pity my straight-haired sisters and laugh to think how they’re missing out on all this character and charisma that is captured in my curls.
This feeling lasts about 2-3 weeks, and then I make the mistake of looking at the calendar. I see that my haircut is about a week away and I wonder if I need a cut. Should I push it off? Can I go even longer or am I tempting fate with the universe? Again, it’s the ultimate crapshoot.
I’ll leave you with this…
On balance, I wouldn’t trade my hair for the world. Back in high school in the 80’s was a different story. Despite all the complaining and concern, I’m proud to be a card-carrying member of the Curly Club. Well, for 2-3 weeks out of every 5-week haircut cycle, I am. I occasionally fantasize about walking out of the salon with long, blown-dry, straight locks. I wonder what it would feel like to actually go out in public after a haircut. It just seems so glamorous. But for now, if anyone is looking for me, you can find me every fifth week of the calendar on a Tuesday after 5:00 p.m. in my shower, cursing and counting the days until I love my hair again.
Kim is on Instagram @kimmilesinheels Visit MilesInHeels.com.
