Regan Roderigues: Pronouns Aren’t Scary
By Regan Roderigues
Gendered pronouns. Five letters or less. It’s amazing to me how these seemingly simple pronouns have caused such controversy. And fear. So let me break it down.
In English, pronouns are gender-implied; “he” is a man/boy and “she” is a woman/girl. But here’s the thing, these assignments are not always correct or instructive. I can no longer assume a person’s pronouns.
It is natural not to know the right words to use at first. It takes many of us some time to get the hang of a new concept. I consider myself a quick study; however, I must admit, have faltered on occasion when using gendered pronouns. In an effort to help myself and others feel less “confused and uncomfortable” when using these little, but powerful words, I enlisted the help of Duxbury Free Library Community Engagement and Reference Librarian Sam Correia. I shared with her some of the confusion the ageing population has about pronouns.
“This is all so confusing. It’s hard to be accepting of something I don’t understand.” - Robert P. Age 72
“I am not sure I completely understand, but I am trying to learn.” -Virginia S. Age 80
“Why is it even necessary? I feel so lost within the world today.” - Judith C. Age 86
“I am so fearful of getting this wrong. What if I insult someone unwittingly? In my time these changes were not even an option. I’m confused quite frankly.” -Mary R. Age 78
“I want people to feel comfortable. Sometimes, though, I need more context when someone is using a singular they.” -Pat B. Age 63
RR: Neopronouns vs gender pronouns. What’s the difference?
SC: Gender pronouns are what we are familiar with:
She/ Her/Hers “She is calling”
He/Him/His “He is calling”
They/Them/Their “They are calling”
It is important to note that using the singular “they” is grammatically correct and has been used in the English language for centuries.
Sometimes a person might use multiple pronouns, such as he/they or they/she. This means you can use either of those pronouns with them.
A neopronoun is a word created to serve as a pronoun without expressing gender. They have been newly introduced into the language. This category of pronouns is used in the third-person singular. They aren’t as common, but they’re becoming more popular.
For example:
Ze/Zem/Zir,“ Ze laughed”
Ze/Hir/Hirs “ I called Zir phone”
Ey/Em /Eir “That is Zirs”
If you aren’t sure of someone’s pronouns, you can use ‘they/them” as a gender-neutral default.
RR: Admittedly I have stumbled and been unsure when to use appropriate pronouns. The overwhelming societal response of “cancel culture” and “wokeness” can make folks hesitant to try to step out of their comfort zone. Working at the Duxbury Senior Center, I am always aware of perspective, experience, and history. The folks I interact with daily come from a generation when a person wasn’t even allowed to be openly gay, let alone choose their pronoun.
SC: Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s easy to correct yourself if you use the wrong pronoun for someone. There is no need to make a big deal out of the mistake and draw more attention to it. It’s great to ask people about their pronouns, though not recommended to force people to share. Invite or encourage a person to share. Using someone’s correct pronoun is a way to respect them and create an inclusive environment. This is a quick and easy way to show a willingness to learn. New things will always be uncomfortable and difficult. This means we are growing as individuals as well as growing within community, meeting people where they are.
***
The older I become, I see the world less through a black-and-white lens. Our world is constantly evolving. It doesn’t matter if we ever completely understand all the expanding changes or not. We can ask, and we can practice.
Each month, the Duxbury Senior Center in Duxbury, MA hosts events geared towards the LGBTQIA+ Community. Visit duxburyseniorcenter.org for more information.
